Thus my life has taken a turn for the better. That is not to say that it was bad, it was just stuck.
Nothing was happening, i was content enough to work, but there wasnt anymore than that.
I have been a lot more active and happier for it, however; something in me still feels empty, it is a void i have not been able to feel, and after much thought i think that in this i have truly just given up, at least i have a strong desire to leave that behind me and try to focus all my energies in what i do.
I do feel far removed to really understanding myself and much more closer to just accepting what happens and hope that i have a reason to the madness, that ultimately there is a logic to it all in the end.

4 years, then and now.

Much has changed since i first posted that blog, obviously having been about 4 years since i posted it, id like to surmise what happened but it is extremely difficult to do. I would like to bring from time to time the things that had the most impact and most clarity of memory when recalling, most of them have had an emotional impact that hasn't quite left me.

Of Kat.
How many years had i obsessed about her? and why?

Guilt, plain and simple, out of guilt i spent nearly a decade thinking about her. I believed i made the mistake in ending the friendship, and of all the things that i found out about her i blamed myself for, i cant be clear of what had happened but i felt bad enough, but here is the thing that i finally came to realize about 2-3 months ago. It wasn't my fault, it never was.
All the things she had done had been her choice and i had nothing to do with it, suffice it to say that i was haunted. Most of my decisions were based on that guilt.... i was an idiot for a looooong time......(To be continued...)
There's more detail to this of course but i long have lost any more interest in analyzing it all ways but to stop, i don't ever want to get into it again. i'm done!

Next...

Of Friends new.
Turmoil, conflict and chaos

NY 15+

Ive decided to create a blog for the time that i am in NY to keep my friends in Australia informed of my progress here. Although today does not start out to a good point. Yes it is raining but most people will know that i like rainy weather, the problem is that Lee, who is my cousins partner received a call from her mother informing that her father is in the hospital and in Intensive Care. We will be going to NY City which is about 2 hours away by car.

Well thats all for now.
keep safe everyone.
Andy.